finally a post

well now it’s been awhile since I posted here; march 21 was the last real post. Not that I have forgotten about blogging but sometimes I just don’t take the time to sit down and write. not a lot happening lately; I was a little sick last week since Gemma and I managed to eat out of date powdered milk or at least drink it. You could almost say eat because Gemma made the stuff with heaped tablespoons full.
I was suffering from a bit of a cold in the latter part of last week. This made me feel flat and down which unfortunately made Gemma feel a bit flat. I’m better now and although I have been a bit slack I need to find things to do while Gemma is asleep.
Now I have the laptop set up I can do Linux either in the bedroom or in the loungeroom. This is really cool because I can do support work on my work machines without rattling keys in the bedroom.
Trying to figure out why my wrt54gs v1.1 won’t scan wireless channels. I have 3 of the bloody things and none of them want to scan. grrrrr.
I’m still getting used to marriage. That sounds strange and after a year you’d think i’d be used to having my wife around but it feels like sometimes that it’s too good to be true and that one day i’m going to open my eyes and it’ll all have been a dream.
I don’t show my emotions possibly as much as I should and this causes big problems for us; sometimes Gemma feels as if I do not love her as a wife and that I am just a really good friend. I know that I love her more than anyone else on the planet and am still figuring out ways of showing that given my upbringing.
I wish councillors could help me; I just feel amuned to all the questions and the like; not because I don’t want to answer them but because I don’t know how to answer them. There’s a part of me that feels like it is locked away somewhere; a part of me that I have kept quiet for years but I know I need to find a way to set it free.
I think Tiki of all people showed me that; even if the showing was unintentional. I used to think I was just a borring computer technition. Yes; I am that; but so much more, and the borring is subjective. Today I feel lucky to be alive; and happy to have my wife and all the things we own. I wonder if this is part of waking up at 6?
Gemma; I love you; in ways that couldn’t be expressed even if we had all the time in the world.
and that’s about all I think I want to post for now.

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